第一步:审题列提纲
1.1 文体格式结构→建议信(回复邮件);语言风格→非正式但礼貌、友好;人称→第一人称 (I) 给第二人称 (you) 提建议;时态→提建议常用一般现在时、情态动词 (could, might, would);说明理由常用一般现在时。
1.2 信息提取
1.21 核心信息:
1. 为Jim介绍北京的“智慧城市”亮点提供建议。
2. 建议内容要具体。
3. 要说明选择这些建议内容的理由。
1.22 隐藏信息:
1. Jim的目的是“展示活动”,所以建议内容应具有代表性、易于理解和展示。
2. 作为朋友,语气应热情友好。
3. “智慧北京”暗示了科技应用、生活便捷、高效管理等方面。
1.3 对1.2中信息整合优化:
文章结构应为:感谢Jim的来信并乐于提供帮助 → 提出1-2个关于智慧北京亮点的具体建议 → 详细阐述每个建议的理由,说明其为何能体现智慧北京。
1.4 布局谋篇
**第一段: (已给出)**
*Dear Jim,*
*I’m glad to hear that you’re going to give a presentation on Global Smart City and will introduce Beijing.*
(背景交代:回应Jim的邮件,知晓其演讲主题。)
**第二段: (主体段:提出具体建议并阐述理由)**
* **总起句**: 引出建议。
* **建议一:智慧交通 (Smart Transportation)**
* **内容**: *(具体列举+描述法)* 重点介绍北京**高效便捷的智能公共交通系统**,例如**发达的地铁网络**和**共享单车服务**。
* 示例1: You could **definitely highlight** Beijing's **advanced smart public transport**, such as its **extensive subway system** and **convenient bike-sharing services**. (核心语法结构:情态动词+动词原形;*你可以明确地强调北京先进的智能公共交通,比如其广泛的地铁系统和便捷的共享单车服务。*)
* 示例2: One **excellent idea** would be to **focus on** Beijing’s **intelligent transportation network**, **particularly** the **well-connected metro** and **readily available shared bikes**. (核心语法结构:不定式作表语,副词强调;*一个绝佳的主意是聚焦于北京的智能交通网络,特别是连接良好的地铁和随处可见的共享单车。*)
* 示例3: I **strongly recommend showcasing** Beijing's **innovative public transit solutions**, **including** the **efficient subway lines** and the **popular bike-sharing schemes**. (核心语法结构:动名词作宾语,现在分词短语;*我强烈建议展示北京创新的公共交通解决方案,包括高效的地铁线路和广受欢迎的共享单车计划。*)
* **理由**: *(分拆内容叙述法/意义功能展望法)* 这不仅**方便了市民的日常出行**,也体现了城市对**绿色环保出行方式的推动**,是智慧城市的重要体现。
* 示例1: This **not only makes daily travel much easier** for residents **but also demonstrates** the city's commitment to **eco-friendly commuting**, which is a **key aspect** of a smart city. (核心语法结构:not only...but also...,which引导非限制性定语从句;*这不仅使居民的日常出行更为便捷,也展示了城市对环保通勤的投入,这是智慧城市的一个关键方面。*)
* 示例2: Such systems **effectively illustrate** how technology **enhances urban mobility** and **promotes sustainable transport choices**, **making life more convenient**. (核心语法结构:how引导宾语从句,现在分词作结果状语;*这样的系统有效地说明了技术如何增强城市流动性并推广可持续的交通选择,使生活更加便捷。*)
* 示例3: Focusing on this **would clearly show** your audience how Beijing **utilizes technology** to **improve citizens' quality of life** through **smarter and greener transportation**. (核心语法结构:would do表建议,how引导宾语从句;*聚焦于此可以清晰地向你的听众展示北京如何利用技术通过更智能、更绿色的交通来提高市民的生活质量。*)
* **建议二:移动支付 (Mobile Payment)**
* **内容**: *(具体列举+描述法)* 强调**移动支付在北京的普及程度**,几乎所有消费场景都可以使用手机完成支付。
* 示例1: Another **great point** to mention is the **widespread use of mobile payments**; it’s **amazing** how people can pay for almost everything using their phones. (核心语法结构:感叹句式,how引导从句;*另一个值得提及的亮点是移动支付的广泛使用;人们几乎可以用手机支付所有东西,这太棒了。*)
* 示例2: You might also want to **draw attention to** the **pervasiveness of digital payment methods** in Beijing, where **cash is rarely needed** for daily transactions. (核心语法结构:where引导定语从句;*你可能还想让大家注意到数字支付方式在北京的普及,日常交易几乎不需要现金。*)
* 示例3: **Highlighting** Beijing’s **cashless lifestyle**, powered by **ubiquitous mobile payment platforms**, would surely **impress your audience**. (核心语法结构:动名词作主语,过去分词作定语;*强调北京由无处不在的移动支付平台所支持的无现金生活方式,肯定会给你的听众留下深刻印象。*)
* **理由**: *(意义功能展望法)* 这极大地**提升了生活的便利性**,代表了一种**现代高效的生活方式**,对外国人来说可能非常新奇和吸引人。
* 示例1: This **offers incredible convenience** and represents a **truly modern and efficient way of life** that many international visitors find **quite fascinating**. (核心语法结构:that引导定语从句;*这提供了难以置信的便利,并代表了一种真正现代化且高效的生活方式,许多国际访客觉得非常有趣。*)
* 示例2: The **ease and efficiency** of these payment systems **perfectly capture** the essence of a smart city, **showcasing a digital transformation** that simplifies everyday activities. (核心语法结构:现在分词作伴随状语;*这些支付系统的便捷和高效完美地体现了智慧城市的精髓,展示了简化日常活动的数字化转型。*)
* 示例3: Such a **high level of digitalization** in commerce not only **streamlines transactions but also reflects** Beijing's position as a **forward-thinking global city**. (核心语法结构:not only...but also...;*商业中如此高水平的数字化不仅简化了交易,也反映了北京作为具有前瞻性的全球城市的地位。*)
**第三段: (已给出)**
*Hope my suggestions are useful. Good luck with your presentation!*
(结尾:表达祝愿。)
1.5 新课标主题语境→人与社会(科学与技术)→子话题:2.41 科技发展与信息技术创新 →教材链接:人教版B2U3 The Internet (探讨互联网如何改变生活,与智慧城市中信息技术的应用相关联);译林版B3U3 The World Online (讨论智能手机的使用,与移动支付和智慧生活紧密相关)。
1.6 核心话题词汇:
**单词**:
1. **smart** (智慧的)
2. **transport** (交通)
3. **payment** (支付)
4. **convenient** (方便的)
5. **efficient** (高效的)
6. **highlight** (强调)
7. **showcase** (展示)
8. **cashless** (无现金的)
9. **network** (网络)
10. **system** (系统)
**短语**:
1. **smart city** (智慧城市)
2. **mobile payment(s)** (移动支付)
3. **bike-sharing service(s)** (共享单车服务)
4. **public transport** (公共交通)
5. **daily life** (日常生活)
6. **eco-friendly** (环保的)
7. **quality of life** (生活质量)
8. **focus on** (聚焦于)
9. **for instance / for example** (例如)
10. **get around** (出行)
### 任务二:打造并升级参考范文
## 第一步:打造参考范文
Dear Jim,
I’m glad to hear that you’re going to give a presentation on Global Smart City and will introduce Beijing.
To help you **showcase** the **exciting smart aspects** of Beijing, I’d like to offer a couple of suggestions. ***Firstly,*** you could **definitely highlight** Beijing's **advanced smart public transport**. For instance, the **extensive subway system** and **convenient bike-sharing services** **greatly improve** how people get around the city. This **clearly shows** how technology **enhances** daily life and promotes **green ways of travelling**. ***Secondly,*** another **striking feature** is the **widespread use of mobile payments**. It's **truly amazing** that people can buy almost everything with a simple scan of their phone. This **not only offers great convenience but also** reveals a **modern cashless society**, which your audience might find **very interesting**. (段落功能: 建议主体段,包含过渡句,提出两条建议并分别说明理由;信息分解方法: 具体列举+描述法引出建议,分拆内容叙述法和意义功能展望法阐述理由)
Hope my suggestions are useful. Good luck with your presentation!
*(110 words)*
## 第二步:满分范文升级
Dear Jim,
I’m glad to hear that you’re going to give a presentation on Global Smart City and will introduce Beijing.
To **assist** you in **presenting** Beijing's **impressive smart features**, here are some **ideas**. ***Initially,*** **I'd suggest emphasizing** its **well-developed intelligent public transit**. For example, the **comprehensive metro network** and **user-friendly bike-sharing options** **greatly improve** how people **travel within the city**. This **clearly shows** how technology **betters** everyday life and **promotes eco-friendly transport**. ***Furthermore,*** a **striking aspect** is the **widespread mobile payments**. It’s **truly fascinating** how **individuals** can **purchase** almost anything by **simply scanning** their phones. This **not only offers great convenience but also represents** an **advanced cashless society**, which your audience **might find particularly engaging**. (段落功能: 建议主体段,包含引出建议的过渡句,接着使用“Initially”和“Furthermore”引导两条核心建议并配合“For example”等进行阐述和解释理由;信息分解方法: 具体列举+描述法提出每个建议的核心内容,如“intelligent public transit”和“widespread mobile payments”;运用分拆内容叙述法说明其构成,如“metro network and bike-sharing options”;通过意义功能展望法揭示其积极影响,如“betters everyday life”和“represents an advanced cashless society”。)
Hope my suggestions are useful. Good luck with your presentation!
*(108 words)*
**【满分范文升级批注】**
1. **高级词汇替换与增补**:
* "help you showcase" -> "**assist** you in **presenting**" (更正式,动词更精确)
* "exciting smart aspects" -> "**impressive smart features**" (形容词更具表现力)
* "suggestions" -> "**ideas**" (简洁)
* "Firstly" -> "***Initially,***" (连接词更流畅)
* "you could definitely highlight" -> "**I'd suggest emphasizing**" (语气委婉且坚定,动词更书面)
* "advanced smart public transport" -> "**well-developed intelligent public transit**" (描述更具体,"transit"更符合某些语境下的交通表达)
* "extensive subway system" -> "**comprehensive metro network**" (词汇更高级,"metro"国际通用)
* "convenient bike-sharing services" -> "**user-friendly bike-sharing options**" ("user-friendly"更侧重体验,"options"替代"services"亦可)
* "get around the city" -> "**travel within the city**" (表达更规范)
* "enhances daily life" -> "**betters** everyday life" ("better"作动词,简洁有力)
* "green ways of travelling" -> "**eco-friendly transport**" (术语更专业)
* "Secondly" -> "***Furthermore,***" (过渡更自然)
* "notable feature" / "striking feature" -> "**striking aspect**" (保持词汇多样性)
* "widespread use of mobile payments" -> "**widespread mobile payments**" (更简洁)
* "people can buy" -> "**individuals** can **purchase**" (主语和动词更正式)
* "with a simple scan" -> "by **simply scanning**" (介词短语变分词短语,更动态)
* "reveals a modern cashless society" -> "**represents** an **advanced cashless society**" ("represent"更准确,"advanced"比"modern"更强调进步性)
* "very interesting" -> "**particularly engaging**" (副词和形容词都更生动、有力)
2. **句式结构优化**:
* 原: "This clearly shows how technology enhances daily life and promotes green ways of travelling."
新: "This **clearly shows** how technology **betters** everyday life and **promotes eco-friendly transport**." (动词"betters"的使用)
* 原: "This not only offers great convenience but also reveals a modern cashless society, which your audience might find very interesting."
新: "This **not only offers great convenience but also represents** an **advanced cashless society**, which your audience **might find particularly engaging**." (连接词、动词和形容词的升级,保持了"not only...but also..."和定语从句的优质结构)
3. **信息分解方式体现**:
* **具体列举+描述法**: 清晰呈现“intelligent public transit”(包括metro network, bike-sharing options)和“widespread mobile payments”的具体内容。
* **分拆内容叙述法**: 将“intelligent public transit”分解为具体的“metro network”和“bike-sharing options”进行说明。
* **意义功能展望法**: 阐述了智慧交通如何“betters everyday life and promotes eco-friendly transport”,移动支付如何“offers great convenience”并“represents an advanced cashless society”,展望了其积极影响和吸引力。
4. **过渡衔接**: 使用了***Initially,*** 和 ***Furthermore,*** 使得建议之间的过渡更加流畅自然。