好的,作为中国教育考试院认证的阅卷专家,我将严格按照您的要求,为您提供关于“中国移动支付”问卷调查回复的审题、布局、范文打造与升级。
**{{Grade}}: CSE4 (高一、高二、高三)**
第一步:审题列提纲
1.1 **文体格式结构**→ 回信(非正式信函,给笔友)。结构应包含:
* 对Jenny问候的回应及表明乐意提供信息。
* 主体段落,分别回应三个问题。
* 结尾,表达祝愿或希望信息有用。
**语言风格**→ 友好、自然、信息清晰。
**人称**→ 第一人称“I”和“we”(代表我和身边的人)为主。
**时态**→
* 描述日常使用情况:一般现在时 (e.g., "I often use...")。
* 描述移动支付带来的好处(已发生并持续影响):现在完成时 (e.g., "Mobile payment has brought...") 或一般现在时 (e.g., "It offers...")。
* 表达看法:一般现在时 (e.g., "I think...")。
* *理由:* 题目要求描述的是当前普遍现象、已存在的益处以及个人目前的看法。
1.2 **信息提取**
1.21 **核心信息:**
* 你或身边人使用移动支付情况 (个人经历, 普遍性)。
* 移动支付的好处 (便利性, 高效性等)。
* 你的看法 (总体评价, 感受)。
* 参考词汇:Wechat, Alipay, QR code。
1.22 **隐藏信息:**
* 移动支付的普及程度(几乎人人使用)。
* 具体使用场景(购物、餐饮、交通等)。
* 对比传统支付方式的优势。
* 对生活方式的改变。
1.3 **对1.2中信息整合优化:**
* 开篇回应Jenny,表示乐意分享。
* **第一要点 (使用情况):** 描述自己和周围人(如家人、朋友)频繁使用微信支付和支付宝,通过扫描二维码完成日常各种支付(购物、餐饮、交通、账单等)。强调其已成为主流支付方式。
* **第二要点 (好处):** 阐述移动支付带来的便利性(无需现金/银行卡)、高效性(快速完成交易)、安全性(相对携带大量现金更安全,且有电子记录)。
* **第三要点 (看法):** 表达对移动支付的积极看法,认为它极大地改变和方便了人们的生活,是科技进步的体现。
1.4 **布局谋篇**
**第一段: (回应问候 + 引出话题)**
* 功能:回应Jenny的问候,表达很乐意为她的问卷调查提供信息。
* 信息分解方法:背景描述法 (描述收到请求并乐意回应的背景)。
* →话题词汇: survey, mobile payment, information, experience.
* 示例1→ I'm **delighted** to hear about your survey on mobile payment and **happy to share** my experiences with you. (*同位语从句省略形式+不定式表目的;背景描述法;翻译→ 很高兴得知你关于移动支付的调查,并且乐于与你分享我的经历。*)
* 示例2→ It's great that you're **researching** mobile payment in China; I'd be **more than willing** to provide some input from my perspective. (*V-ing作宾语+固定搭配;背景描述法;翻译→ 你正在研究中国的移动支付,这太棒了;我非常乐意从我的角度提供一些信息。*)
**第二段: (主体段:回答要点1和要点2 - 使用情况及好处)**
* 功能:详细描述自己和身边人使用移动支付的普遍情况,并列举其主要好处。
* 信息分解方法:
* 使用情况:具体列举+描述法 (列举支付工具和场景)。
* 好处:条理分解法 (分点阐述便利、高效等)。
* →话题词汇: Wechat Pay, Alipay, QR code, daily life, convenient, efficient, scan, transactions, benefits.
* **关于使用情况:**
* 示例1→ In China, **almost everyone around me**, including my family and friends, **relies heavily on** mobile payment platforms like **Wechat Pay** and **Alipay** for nearly all daily transactions by simply **scanning a QR code**. (*状语从句(省略)+介词短语;具体列举+描述法;翻译→ 在中国,我周围几乎每个人,包括我的家人和朋友,都非常依赖像微信支付和支付宝这样的移动支付平台,通过简单地扫描二维码来完成几乎所有的日常交易。*)
* 示例2→ **Whether it's** buying groceries, paying for public transport, or splitting a dinner bill, **we predominantly use** our smartphones, **making physical cash almost unnecessary** in many situations. (*`Whether it's...or...`句型+现在分词作结果状语;具体列举+描述法;翻译→ 无论是购买食品杂货、支付公共交通费用,还是分摊餐费,我们主要使用智能手机,这使得实体现金在许多情况下几乎变得不必要。*)
* **关于好处:**
* 示例3→ The **most significant benefit** is **undoubtedly** its convenience – **there’s no need to carry** bulky wallets or worry about exact change. (*表语从句(省略形式)+ `there be`句型;条理分解法;翻译→ 最显著的好处无疑是它的便利性——无需携带笨重的钱包或担心找零。*)
* 示例4→ **Moreover**, these payments are **incredibly efficient**, **completing transactions in seconds**, and they also offer a clear record of our expenses. (*并列连词+现在分词作伴随状语+并列句;条理分解法;翻译→ 此外,这些支付非常高效,几秒钟内就能完成交易,并且它们还提供了清晰的消费记录。*)
**第三段: (主体段/结尾段:回答要点3 - 个人看法 + 结束语)**
* 功能:表达对移动支付的总体看法和积极评价,并自然结束信件。
* 信息分解方法:意义功能展望法 (总结其积极影响和意义)。
* →话题词汇: opinion, revolutionized, simpler, easier, technological advancement, helpful.
* 示例1→ **From my perspective**, mobile payment **has fundamentally transformed** our daily lives, **making everything remarkably simpler and more streamlined**. (*介词短语引出观点+现在完成时+现在分词作宾补;意义功能展望法;翻译→ 在我看来,移动支付从根本上改变了我们的日常生活,使一切都变得非常简单和高效。*)
* 示例2→ I **genuinely believe** it's a **fantastic technological advancement**, and I hope this information **proves useful** for your survey. (*宾语从句+ `prove + adj.` 结构;意义功能展望法+背景描述法(回应);翻译→ 我真心认为这是一项了不起的技术进步,希望这些信息对你的调查有用。*)
1.5 **新课标主题语境**→ 人与社会 (Science and Technology) → 子话题:科技发展与信息技术创新 (Technological development and IT innovation) → 教材链接:
* **人教B2U3 The Internet** (内容涉及网络如何改变生活、网络日常,与移动支付作为网络技术应用紧密相关)
* **译林B3U3 The World Online** (内容涉及智能手机使用,移动支付是智能手机的核心功能之一)
* **北师大B2U1 Information Technology** (直接关联信息技术,移动支付是其重要体现)
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### 任务二:打造并升级参考范文
#### 第一步:打造参考范文
Dear Jenny,
How is your survey on mobile payment going? **S1I’m happy to share some information about it with you.**
**S2In China, almost everyone I know, including myself and my family, uses mobile payment apps like Wechat Pay or Alipay for daily expenses.** **S3We often just scan a QR code to pay for things, from groceries to bus fares.** **S4The biggest advantage is convenience, as we don’t need to carry cash or cards.** **S5Also, it’s very fast and transactions are completed in seconds.**
**S6In my opinion, mobile payment has made our lives much easier and more efficient.** **S7I hope this is helpful for your survey.**
Yours faithfully,
Li Hua
*(100 words | 蓝思值约为750L | CEFR: B1)*
*(第一段:回应问候+引出话题) (背景描述法)*
*(第二段:描述使用情况+阐述好处) (具体列举+描述法;条理分解法)*
*(第三段:表达个人看法+结束语) (意义功能展望法)*
#### 第二步:优化升级
@S1→ I’m happy to share some information about it with you. (*问题:略显平淡,可以更主动和热情。*)
优化1→ I’m **delighted** to share some **insights** about mobile payment in China with you. (*优化效果:使用 'delighted' 和 'insights' 提升表达的积极性和深度,更符合笔友间的交流。*)
优化2→ I’d be **more than happy** to provide you with some **first-hand information** regarding mobile payment here in China. (*优化效果:使用 'more than happy' 强调乐意程度,'first-hand information' 和 'regarding' 使表达更精确和略显正式。*)
@S2→ In China, almost everyone I know, including myself and my family, uses mobile payment apps like Wechat Pay or Alipay for daily expenses. (*问题:句子结构可以更紧凑,'uses...for daily expenses' 可以更精炼。*)
优化1→ Here in China, **it’s very common for** people around me, myself and my family included, **to use** mobile payment apps like Wechat Pay or Alipay for **daily spending**. (*优化效果:使用 'it's common for sb to do sth' 句型,'daily spending' 替代 'daily expenses',更自然。*)
优化2→ **Practically everyone** I know here, including my family and me, **relies heavily on** mobile payment platforms such as **Wechat Pay** and **Alipay** to cover **everyday costs**. (*优化效果:使用 'Practically everyone' 和 'relies heavily on' 加强语气,'platforms' 替代 'apps','cover everyday costs' 使表达更地道。*)
@S3→ We often just scan a QR code to pay for things, from groceries to bus fares. (*问题:'pay for things' 略显口语化和笼统。*)
优化1→ We **typically** scan a **QR code** to **settle payments** for various items, **ranging from** groceries to bus fares. (*优化效果:使用 'typically' 和 'settle payments' 提升正式度,'ranging from...to...' 结构更清晰。*)
优化2→ **Whether it's** for groceries or bus fares, we **usually just scan a QR code** to complete the transaction, **making it incredibly straightforward**. (*优化效果:使用 'Whether it's...or...' 开头,增加句式多样性,'complete the transaction' 更准确,并用分词短语补充说明其便捷性。*)
@S4→ The biggest advantage is convenience, as we don’t need to carry cash or cards. (*问题:'biggest advantage is convenience' 可以表达得更流畅,原因状语从句可以整合。*)
优化1→ The **primary benefit is undoubtedly** its convenience, **eliminating the need to carry** cash or cards. (*优化效果:使用 'primary benefit is undoubtedly' 加强语气,用现在分词短语 'eliminating the need to carry' 使句子更简洁、连贯。*)
优化2→ **What stands out most** is the **sheer convenience** it offers, **rendering cash and cards largely unnecessary** for daily life. (*优化效果:使用 'What stands out most' 主语从句,'sheer convenience' 强调便利程度,'rendering...unnecessary' 使用现在分词作结果状语,更高级。*)
@S5→ Also, it’s very fast and transactions are completed in seconds. (*问题:'Also' 作为连接词略显生硬,句子可以更紧凑。*)
优化1→ **Moreover**, it's **remarkably fast**, with transactions **being completed** within seconds. (*优化效果:使用 'Moreover' 过渡更自然,'remarkably fast' 语气更强,'with +宾语+宾补' 结构使句子更紧凑。*)
优化2→ **Furthermore**, the **efficiency is impressive**, as payments are typically processed **almost instantaneously**. (*优化效果:使用 'Furthermore',将 'fast' 升级为 'efficiency is impressive','almost instantaneously' 替代 'in seconds',更书面和精确。*)
@S6→ In my opinion, mobile payment has made our lives much easier and more efficient. (*问题:表达可以更生动有力。*)
优化1→ **Personally, I believe** mobile payment **has significantly enhanced** our daily lives by making them easier and more efficient. (*优化效果:使用 'Personally, I believe' 引出观点,'significantly enhanced' 替代 'made...easier',更正式有力。*)
优化2→ **From my perspective**, mobile payment **has truly revolutionized** our daily routines, **streamlining everything** and boosting overall efficiency. (*优化效果:使用 'From my perspective','revolutionized' 和 'streamlining everything' 使表达更生动和具体,'boosting overall efficiency' 概括效果。*)
@S7→ I hope this is helpful for your survey. (*问题:可以稍作变化,更具期待感。*)
优化1→ I trust this information **will be of some help** to your survey. (*优化效果:使用 'trust' 和 'be of some help',语气更肯定和礼貌。*)
优化2→ Hopefully, these insights **will contribute positively** to your survey findings. (*优化效果:使用 'Hopefully' 和 'contribute positively to',表达更积极的祝愿和效果。*)
---
### 任务三:满分范文升级:
Dear Jenny,
How is your survey on mobile payment going? ***I’d be more than happy*** **to provide you with some** ***first-hand information*** **regarding** mobile payment here in China. (<em>回应问候+引出话题,使用更积极热情的表达,词汇更精确</em>) (背景描述法)
***Practically everyone*** **I know here**, including my family and me, ***relies heavily on*** **mobile payment platforms** such as **Wechat Pay** and **Alipay** to cover ***everyday costs***. ***Whether it's*** **for groceries or bus fares**, we **usually just scan a QR code** to complete the transaction, ***making it incredibly straightforward***. ***What stands out most*** **is the** ***sheer convenience*** **it offers**, ***rendering cash and cards largely unnecessary*** **for daily life**. ***Furthermore***, the ***efficiency is impressive***, as payments are typically processed ***almost instantaneously***. (<em>主体段:描述使用情况+阐述好处,运用了更高级的词汇和多样的句式,如 "Whether it's...", "What stands out...", 分词作状语等,增强了表达的生动性和准确性</em>) (具体列举+描述法;条理分解法)
***From my perspective***, mobile payment ***has truly revolutionized*** **our daily routines**, ***streamlining everything*** **and boosting overall efficiency**. Hopefully, these insights ***will contribute positively*** **to your survey findings**. (<em>结尾段:表达个人看法+结束语,使用更具概括性和积极性的词汇和表达</em>) (意义功能展望法)
Yours faithfully,
Li Hua
*(118 words | 蓝思值约为 980L | CEFR: B1+/B2-)*